


something of an end

by Enterprising



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 14:44:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8671534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enterprising/pseuds/Enterprising
Summary: Set in episode 6 where we don't see Gabe looking after Philip when he's brought home drunk.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so i finished the six episodes of eyewitness last night and i DIED oh my god!!!
> 
> sorry it's not very long - i have no idea where this came from but i wrote it so im publishing it
> 
> (title taken from something of an end by my brightest diamond)

Philip doesn't really know how it makes him feel, that Gabe calls him _son_. It doesn't matter, though, because his alcohol-loosened lips make the decision for him.  
  
"I like when you call me that," Philip confesses. His head is suddenly too heavy to hold up, and he lolls to the side on the sofa. Gabe returns from the kitchen and contemplates him.  
  
"What's that, Philip?"  
  
"Son," Philip mutters. "I don't have a dad." That's not right. "I've never had a dad before."  
  
Gabe probably has one of those _looks_ on his face, the stricken ones he shares with Helen when Philip says something he shouldn't and they don't know how to deal with it, how to deal with _Philip_.  
  
Helen.  
  
Philip reaches a hand to the other side of the sofa, eyes still closed, and fumbles for a second, looking. She isn't there. He opens his eyes and frowns at the glass of water Gabe tries to press into his hand.  
  
"Where's Helen?" he asks, already forgotten about the troubled look on Gabe's face, because now Gabe looks dejected, disappointment coming off him in waves, and it makes Philip feel - he struggles for the word - _hopeless_.  
  
Philip thinks it's about Helen, but Gabe's probably disappointed in him too. He disappoints everyone. He's not good enough for a mother, for foster parents, for a boyfriend - he's his mother's carer, his foster parents' charity case, and Lukas' dirty little secret, even now.  
  
"Work," Gabe says eventually, voice tight and concerned eyes on Philip, who sighs and slumps so his elbows are on his knees, hanging his head.  
  
"She doesn't - doesn't want me here, does she," Philip mumbles, as if he doesn't know the answer to his question. Nobody wants him here.  
  
His mother loves him, drugs or not.  
  
Philip drank to forget, and even he's aware that not everything he's feeling is how he's feeling.  
  
But he knows he loves Lukas, alcohol or not, secrets or not, lies or not.  
  
"She does want you here, Philip," Gabe says. He sits beside Philip on the sofa, encouraging him to sit up with a steady hand on Philip's shoulder, and Philip drinks his water so he doesn't have to see the defeat in Gabe's eyes.  
  
Gabe thinks he's failed Philip, but Philip knows he's failed Gabe, failed everyone. Gabe looks defeated because he doesn't know what to do, and Philip doesn't know either; wants to go out into the yard and _run_ , wants to ride to Lukas' and scream and say things he'll regret, wants Helen to come home so she can stop hiding her true opinion and send him back where he belongs, not in a nice house with good people who try so hard only to have Philip let them down every time with his lies.  
  
"We both want you here," Gabe continues. Philip had forgotten he'd spoken. "Family - "  
  
"Don't," Philip gasps quickly. "Don't, don't." He's leaving, leaving soon, there'll be a car to take him away, and he'll be gone and far away and back to being unwanted, just the way it is, just the way he deserves. He's never going to see Gabe and Helen and their disappointed faces and stricken exchanged glances and the discouraged loss of enthusiasm as Philip proves time and time again his recalcitrance, his inability to change, the way he's abnormal and too much and not enough and, and maybe Philip needs to disappear -  
  
"It's going to be okay, son," Gabe says deliberately, and Philip abruptly feels like crying, throat constricting on a dry sob. Gabe just holds out his arms, looks apprehensive but patient, eyes almost heavy with the forgiveness Philip does not deserve, and Philip blinks back hot tears and lets himself fall forward and be held.  
  
Gabe's speaking but Philip can't focus, just clinging to the gentle tone, the soft understanding Philip doesn't think he'll ever get again. He doesn't cry but can't stop trembling, a fierce shaking all the way to his bones; it doesn't feel like forgiveness but endurance, a toleration of everything wrong with Philip, a memory that will be blurred when he's sober but still overshadowed because they think he  _lied_.  
  
"I'm still leaving," he mumbles.  
  
"I know," Gabe says. "It's going to be okay."

Gabe is lying too.

**Author's Note:**

> pls leave kudos n a comment if you enjoyed
> 
> come scream about eyewitness to me on tumblr at bottomkenobi.tumblr.com!


End file.
